Dear Green Eyed Monster

Dear Green Eyed Monster,
       Jealousy.  It's a challenge that I have tried to overcome for a lot of my life.  I have always wished for things, and a lot of the time those things are things which belong to other people.  I am not poor.  I joke often about "being poor" which is really not the case.  I have a lot of bills and a lot of debt, which is no ones fault but my own.  There is a long story behind some of my debt and a bunch of bad choices behind the rest of it. It doesn't really matter what the reason is now, the point is that it exists.  I see other people my age or at my same stage of life or people who have the same job as me and they have things I wish I had.  People are buying houses and sometimes I wish we were buying a house.  I see people going on nice vacations to places I would like to go to, and I wish I could afford to take my family to those places.  I see people buying new cars or toys or whatever and I wish we could afford to buy those things.  I wish I didn't have my debt and my credit was better and I had a surplus of money like some people do.  I wish I could put aside more for retirement or my husband made enough so I could stay home with our kids.  I look at other people and wish I could have things they have.  I have to stop and remind myself of the things that I DO have, rather than the things I do NOT have.  Someone is jealous of what I have.  I don't want to envy other people.  I have so much, more than I feel I deserve most days.  I have to keep reminding myself about all of the amazing things I have, instead of dwelling on the "stuff" I don't have.  In reality, that's all it is, "stuff."  I've got things that money can't buy. I have a man that loves me, children that love me and a God that loves me.   It's a lot more than many people.  I have friends, good friends, friends that care.  I have a job I enjoy.  I have my health. I have family(the family I was born into, and then another amazing family I married into).  I also need to remind myself that those people who have "things" might not have it all.  It's hard to imagine that those people don't have everything, or they could be struggling in some other way.  Sometimes I just need to remind myself that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, you still gotta mow that grass too.

Dear God

Dear God,
    Well Lord, you know as well as I do that I am not in the place where I should be.  I know this each and every day, and yet I find it hard to get to that place.  What I am amazed by each and every day is that you still take into consideration all of my requests, even when I am not good about fulfilling your requests of me.  Even though I don't follow all of your rules like I should, you continue to provide for me. Last night I was reminded that changes in the seasons of our life are not meant to be a punishment for what we've done right or wrong.  You are a loving Lord.  I pray I continue to grow as a person, and as your servant, in every season of my life.
 Ecclesiastes 3

1There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Love,

Theresa

Dear High School Students

Dear High School Students,
     I know that you look at me and see a teacher, therefore, you think I must not have a clue.  In reality, I might just have an idea of what's going on more than you think.  I was speaking to some of my dear friends that I had in high school recently.  The same comment came up again and again.  "If I had known then, what I know now." As a high school student you are pretty much certain that your parents do not understand what it's like to be a high school student now.  Well guess what, they don't!  Yep, they don't know exactly what it's like to be a high school student in 2012.  What YOU don't realize is that while they might not get the exact stuff you're going through, some things in high school remain the same as they were 20, 30, and 40 years ago.  There have been people picking on other people as long as school has been around.  Guess what, those mean girls...they were around when your parents were in high school too.  The popular girls who made life hard on you, they were there too.  The guys who picked on the other guys in the locker room, yep, they were there too.  Oh, the guys who made fun of people(because really they were trying to take the focus off themselves) they were there as well.  The loners, the popular people, the music people, the geeks, the freaks, the people praying to fit in or just be invisible because they just would rather not be noticed than be the butt of a joke...they were all there.  I know with the advances of technology things are SO much different now, and the pressures to get into college or get good grades seem a lot higher.  My point really is that I might be a teacher, but I see what's going on every single day.  Students don't think we teachers notice, or care, or really understand.  Truth is, we care more than you know.  We care.  We want to help, but some students are so stuck on assuming that we'll never get it, they don't even give us a chance.  Parents are the same.  You are so stuck on assuming that parents CAN'T understand, you don't even give them the chance to try.  You know, you might be surprised to find out, once in a while, an adult CAN relate.
If I could go back to high school knowing what I know now, things would be a lot different.  I would be kinder.  I would realize those "perfect" kids didn't all have it perfect.  I would care less what people thought about me, and just try to be a good person.  I would pay attention to school work more.  I would try harder in my classes.  I would try something different, like a club or a sport, just to meet new people...even if I assumed that all the people in those "groups" wouldn't like me.  I would have shared more with my Dad.  I would realize the gossipers would eventually be gossiped about, but not judge them, because I have no idea what they are going through.  Did I mention I would be kinder...to everyone!  No one ever felt badly for being kind.  Overall my dear high school students, someday you'll look back at high school and say the same thing, "If I had known then what I know now."  It's a good thing though, because it means you learned something along the way.  Of course, right now some of you think you know it all, but I promise you this...you will NOT be the same person 12 years from now, so think twice about life changing decisions you make while you're young!
Hope that this school year is amazing for everyone!
Love,
Your Teacher

Where does the time go?

Dear Life,
     How do you become so crazy so quickly?  Well we are about 6.5 weeks away from bringing our little girl into the world.  No she doesn't have a name yet, and no I wouldn't tell even if we did have it picked out!  We have thrown out some options.  It's kind of a surreal feeling knowing that in a little over a month we'll have a second child.  I don't even know if I'm doing okay with this child?  Well, what I do know is he seems happy most of the time and I guess that's got to count for something.
     At this point in the day, I am hot and tired and ready to go home.  I don't have a whole lot else to write about, but I thought if maybe I wrote more often I would remember to do it!

Dear Baby,

Dear Baby,
    I know you've only been growing inside my belly for 6 1/2 weeks, but I'm already VERY attached to you!  I hope you know how much I already love you.  Now that you know how much I love you, please stop making Mommy feel so nauseas, it's keeping me up at night!
Love you little baby!
Love,
Mommy
P.S. If it's in the cards, I'd really like you to be a girl please!

Dear Life,

Dear Life,
  Well you’ve done it again.  You’ve become crazy busy without my realizing it...again!  I had a beautiful vacation with my family.  My favorite part had to be taking Hayden to see the ocean.  I know there are million things that Hayden has not seen, and so most of his experiences are new, but I just loved watching him put is feet in and try to walk out further and further.  Of course I took a million pictures, I just have to find time to post them!  

Basically I have been very busy lately.  I have two graduate school classes, a baby, a husband, a full time job(that has students who I very much care about) and lots of other family and friends.  I really do try to make time for everyone. It can be hard.  
There is one thing that was I have been thinking lately and that’s church.  I have always thought I “tried” to make it to church.  Really I feel like I have let other people be my excuses.  I really do feel odd going to church without my husband.  This is likely because my husband grew up in this church and if he doesn’t come with me I always get asked where he is.  This makes me feel kind of awkward I guess. I’m sure no one thinks anything of it besides me.  Well, anyway, I am going to really put forth more effort to go on Sunday morning, or Sunday evening.  I need to not let OTHER people be my reason that I don’t show up.  So baring any illness or being out of town I am going to try harder.  I won’t be perfect but I will try harder.  I have also been trying to get in one of the prayers from “the power of a praying wife” book nightly.  Some people just have a gift with words, and my goodness that woman has a gift of writing great prayers!  
I have also been thinking about my close friends lately.  My dear life, you have managed to get hold of them too!  They have all been so busy and it’s hard to coordinate all of our lives together to spend time with each other! I look forward to my time with friends more now than ever.  It might be few and far between sometimes but I love those dinners or breakfasts or quick coffees or whatever! I enjoy the football games or belly dancing classes.  It’s all just good for my sanity, no matter how often it happens!
Well life, thanks for being full.  Thanks for having a ton for me to do, and giving me beautiful people to do it with!
Love,
Theresa

Dear Bed,

Dear Bed,
     I miss spending time with you.  I remember the times we used to spend all day together.  Since Hayden came into my life I just don't have the time to devote to our relationship I used to have.  I would say I am sorry, but I love spending time with Hayden.  Hopefully we'll have time to get together again soon.
Love,
Theresa

Caffeine Addiction

Hi, my name is Theresa and I’m addicted to caffeine. It’s been an on and off addiction I have had for a while now. I decided that I would give up caffeine yesterday. I just felt like I was relying on it every single day! If I couldn't get it I felt cruddy and I just didn’t want to feel that way just because I couldn't get my hands on some caffeine. So I decided to try life without it for a little bit and just see how it goes. So far I had an insane headache yesterday and a moderate headache today. I am hoping that means that by tomorrow this whole headache business will be a thing of the past and I can go on to live a nice caffeine free life. I did some research about the pros and cons of caffeine consumption. Really, most people say in moderation, it’s okay for you. Some people say it’s one of the worst things you can do to your body. Whatever, the point is that I am going to try to just quit it for now. Will I pick it up again? Maybe. I don’t really want to be one of those people who can’t function in the morning without my cup of coffee. Well, I don’t drink coffee, but if you insert “diet pop” into all those “gotta have my coffee” statements, that’s pretty much me! I will say this, so far today I feel far less focused and I have been hungry ALL DAY! I’m none too thrilled with the idea of giving up my diet pop if I have to gain 30 lbs to do it! Well, my head hurts again. I’m getting close to giving up on this dream. One moment at a time. We’ll see how it goes!

"Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why."

Dewy and I took Hayden to the apple orchard.  Dewy was not exactly overwhelmed with excitement about this, but I told him I really wanted to take him, so we did!  Dewy says, “why are we taking him to pick apples?”  I said, “Why not?” I guess with logic like that who could question me? Either way, we took Hayden to the apple orchard to pick apples.  We got there and the “apple guy” gave Dewy a quick tutorial of how to use the basket on a stick to pick our apples.  I think overall we all had a good time.  Hayden liked the taste testing portion of our picking and Dewy enjoyed getting to use a big basket/stick thingy.  I’ll try to post some of the pictures from our venture!  

Hayden picking the apple!

Ahh...MOM It touched me!

I got this mom!

Oh, okay, that's what I am supposed to do?

No worms in there, right?

Gonna get it!

GOT IT! YUM!

Hayden and Mommy

   I have been in somewhat of a sour mood the past few days.  Why you ask? Who knows.  I am just feeling very complain-y, whinny etc. It’s probably PMS.  I do hate to use that excuse, but really it’s probably why.  Anyone who deeply offended that I would talk about PMS probably hasn’t ever experienced it, and can rest assure that my next paragraph will not contain anything having to do with menstruation.  Oh yeah, I used the “m” word.  I enjoyed a nice argument just last night.  I do not think it was a result of my PMS, because I am still feeling very justified as to the reason I was upset in the first place, but I did get snappy when I might not normally have been that way.  I also had a hard time letting go my frustration with the whole situation.    I am still feeling pretty hurt by the whole thing.  Darn tempers anyway! Regardless,  I’m praying, that helps me let things go usually.  
   

 My dad went to the hospital last night.  They are thinking mini stroke.  I’m just praying for a full recovery.  He says that other than a horrible headache, he’s doing better now.  Prayers are appreciated!

Well, I think it’s time to post this one and move on with my afternoon.  I try to keep some consistency, but I really just wrote most of this in a google doc and added to it when I had a free minute here or there.  Not that I feel like my blogs ever really flow very well, but I hope this one made sense!

Drama, drama and more DRAMA!

Drama, drama and more drama!  Wow.  So, can I just say I do NOT miss being a teenage girl.  Working with them daily reminds me how greatful I am that I am in a loving marriage that does not revolve around jealously or bitterness.  It just boggles my mind how much drama goes on with these young girls and their relationships.  It makes me wish that when we were sleeping God would sneak into our dreams and show us glimpses of our futures, and then they could see that this one event in life was not the "be all end all."  I feel badly for the guys that walk into some of this stuff unknowinly, but I feel some pretty huge amounts of anger for the guys that sit back and enjoy watching these girls fight over them(some of them litereally fighting)!  Lord, I pray for these young people!  I am sure their were adults who felt the same looking at my age group back when we were teenagers too.  I think that I was pretty lucky to avoid a lot of that when I was younger.  I didn't really "date" in high school.  I had lots of other drama and such.  Of course I still liked boys who didn't like me, but I try to "steal" any "taken" guys.  I guess in some aspects I was lucky, even if I didn't think so at the time. 

Dear Students

Dear Young Lady that is wearing a shirt that VERY low cut,
       The young men that are giving you a ton of attention because of your low cut shirt, are NOT the young men you probably are trying to get the attention of, nor are they actually giving you positive attention(contrary to what you might believe). 
Love, A concerned Teacher
Dear Young Man who is wearing skinny jeans that are a size better suited to a 2nd grade girl,
        I guess I missed the fashion boat on this one because I can not ponder how you looked in the mirror today and thought that this was a good look on you!  Furthermore, those jeans are so tight, I am actually able to see more things on your body than should be shared.
Love, A concerned(and confused) Teacher.

I am missing out?

Well, after a long summer break (not long enough) I have returned to school.  I love my job, I really do. I enjoy what I do, and I like the kiddos I work with, but I love my baby boy and I miss him. I had a blast with him all summer and really enjoyed all of those little things you get to see happen each day when they are little.  I am blessed with a really great job, so I will continue to work and savor my time at home. 

On another note I have been feeling a little torn the past few months.  I am aware that we all have different stages in our lives where things happen for us and opportunities are presented to us.  I am very content in this stage of my life.  I love my husband and my baby.  I enjoy being married and truly love motherhood.  I look to many of my friends lives and notice that we are in lots of different places.  This, of course, does not change my love for my friends.  It does make it more difficult to spend time with them though. 

 I have not been as good as I should have been about staying as close with my friends as I would like because I have been trying to put the majority of my time/energy into creating my family.  When I got engaged I worked very hard to become part of my husband's family.  He had this huge family, and I just wanted to make sure I fit in with them.  We do a lot of stuff with family.  That is the “norm” for him, it wasn’t for me.  I am so glad I took the time to really get to know his family, and become a part of it, but now I am at a point where I am watching my friends from the outside.  My dear friends Jessica and Erica are about  to end, and just starting two amazing journeys!  Jessica spent the past few months in LA working as an intern for the TV series, “Harry’s Law.”  She blogged about her  incredible adventures in LA, seeing celebrities, hanging out at Warner Bros. Studios and just the everyday life she got to lead while living the Hollywood life.  And now, Erica, has left for 12 weeks in Italy to do her student teaching.  She is also going to blog about her adventure in Rome.  She’s got some amazing sites to see and teaching to experience.   I have had some moments where I thought, “am I missing out?”  I went straight to college out of high school and finished up a short five years later.  When I was done, I got a great job at the high school I am still at 5 years later!  Consistency is a friend of mine =)  Still I wonder, am I missing out?  With all these adventures I see my friends having, and I know well that I would not be able to do at this point in my life, am I missing out? 

            My answer comes in the form of the wide open mouth kisses I got from Hayden this morning.  No, I’m not missing out; I’m just in a different place.  I have had adventures that some of my friends have not had a chance to yet experience.  I got married (which is its own adventure every single day) and had a baby!  I know that marriage and a baby might not seem the same as traveling the world, but it’s an adventure every single day.  I am SO excited for my friends getting to go do some amazing things.  I love getting to hear about all of the details of their journeys!  I sometimes need to take a moment to step back and remember that their journey is not going to look like my journey, and it doesn’t make theirs better or worse, just different.  I love where I am now, and how I got here. 
            Well this has been a very long entry.  Well people, take a look around and be thankful for your journey and where it has lead you!

I am not a runner!

I have been called many things in my life, and let me tell you that "runner" has never been one of those names.  Just look at me! I do not have the body of a runner.  I do not have the cardiovascular health a runner should have. I am in no way fit to be a runner.  What I do have is the williness to try new things.  Well I completed week one of the C25k work out. Couch to 5K, and I am not joking about the couch.  I think I did one other physical activity besides this(leading up to this point). 
Things I have learned so far
1. I shouldn't be doing my workout at night, it really doesn't help me sleep at all!
2. If I push myself I can do this so far, however, I still go a lot slower than I am sure some other people do.
3. Ugh, I am not in shape at all!
So I sure hope I can stick with this.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have never been skinny(okay I was a stick up until I was in first grade maybe.) My entire adult life I have been a bigger girl.  Even at my thinnest, I was still a bigger girl.  I am pretty sure that I didn't fit in with half of the people in high school because I never fit that mold of the average sized girl.  The point is, that I have become fine with my body.  It is what it is and I don't know if there will ever be a large change in it's shape and size.  I do not expect my body shape or size to change, but I am hoping I can build up some endurance and cardio strength to be able to do this.  So, I guess we'll see!  If you see me running(however slowly it may be) a 5K in October, you'll know I was able to meet my goal!

I should do___but I don't wanna

So today is one of those days where I have a lot of little things to do but don't really want to do any of them.  I think that right now I should be folding towels, and yet here I am, updating my blog instead.  Well, yesterday I started C25K.  I am not really under the impression that I could end up really running a 5K but I am going to try to stick with this program.  My reason? Well, I just want to be healthier.  I want to get in my physical activity.  I want to have more energy to run around with Hayden. I started yesterday and I still feel pretty good today.  The only thing that is really sore is my knees, and sometimes my knees hurt without doing anything the day before.  I really pushed myself to start yesterday even though my stomach was pretty upset.  Today, I must say my stomach feels worse.  I want to go run with Katie tonight, but I worry that I won't be able to keep up, because my run/jog is pretty slow.  We'll see though, I gotta get my tummy feeling better because at this point I couldn't run or jog or anything.  Maybe when I run to the bank I will pick up some tums or something and that will help? I don't know, we'll see. 
Well, I should not put it off any longer.  Hayden will probably wake up any moment.  I need to fold some laundry. I don't know what is so off with me today but I just am having one of those days where I could just sit and not move and be happy about it.

"No"

Well Hayden has gotten to that point where he crawls over to something....he's about to do something...and I say, "NO".  Right now he kind of stops looks at me and then goes on this way.  Or he stops, looks at me, and then bam goes right back to doing what he was doing. I don't want the poor kid to think his name is "NO" but there are so many things over here he can not play with and I can not put up because these are not my things and this is not my home.  He has a million toys but like any little curious guy he wants to play with household things! Ge wants to explore and I feel like I can't let him get into anything.  It is frustrating to say the least. If it were my stuff and I knew he wasn't in danger of hurting himself I would totally let him play with things...but when stuff doesn't belong to me I can't just make the decision that it's okay for him to bang on stuff! Well as we call all tell I am having a rough couple days.  I need to go take Hayden to my dad's place and cheer up!

Funk

Well, so far my summer is going really well.  I am LOVING spending time with Hayden.  I feel like he does something new every single day.  I love that little man and am thankful for him every single day.
Today has been a hard day for me.  I am feeling really sad. I need to pull myself from my funk.  You know when you just have those days where little things happen and they just build up until they overflow into a puddle of pity.  So this is me being upset and sad and swimming in my little puddle of pity.  I will hopefully wake up tomorrow and no longer feel this way.  Tomorrow is another day!

Summer TIme

Greetings from Summer Vacation!  Well so far so good!  I am LOVING spending time with Hayden!  I kinda of scheduled all of our doctors appointments for these first two weeks so I wouldn't have to worry to much about it later in the summer.  Other than the dentist, I hate the dentist, I will put that off.  I do have to wait a couple of days until the doctor gets my blood work back.  They are trying to figure out what is going on with my anemia.  It is looking like I might have to take something to help my body absorb the iron as well as taking the extra iron.  I have the gastric doctor tomorrow, and I am NOT looking forward to that either.  It's not so much the actual visit, it's the drive to Iowa City. 
Well, I can hear my baby, so it's time to go! He is playing with Daddy right now but I think that Daddy is going to play volleyball shortly.  I guess my 10 minutes of peace is over! I hope to update more often!  I just have to get into that routine!

7 hours...

Well...I only have about 7 hours left of work, not including the graduation I have to attend, until summer vacation.  I still remember one year of high school a teacher telling me, "You better savor these summers because when you're an adult your job won't give you all summer off." To her I now say, "Ha...take that!"  For all those people who wish they had a summer off(which for teachers is actually 2 months and a week)become a teacher!  Now if you have one of those jobs where you make a lot of money, you might think twice on this one because we are not exactly the highest paying profession, but our perks are pretty darn nice!  Orignally I had planned to become a nurse, which would have been great except that part where I walked in to view the human cadavers and I cried.  I know I know, the person isn't there anymore, they dontated their bodies, yadda yadda.  The only thing I could think was, "oh my gosh this was someone's grandmother...someone loved her...I can't do this to her!"  So I promptly when to the career development office and took some interests tests and five years later I got a degree in Speech Communication/Theater/Secondary Education and Special Education.  And now five years after graduating, here I am.  Un-like some others I do not complain about my pay.  I realize that I don't make as much as some other people who spent the same amount of time and work in college as I did, but ya know what, they don't get is much time off as I do either!  I also realize that up until last summer I always got another job in the summer, but it was still usually a fun job or something where I could be outdoors.  So in short...in just a few more "work" hours I'll be on summer break from my job, will you be?

Two Days To Go

Well...there are only two days left for my students(finals).  I can't believe how fast the school year has gone by, even though I know mine was shorter because of maternity leave.  I feel like now that I have a child things are just rushing by!  I am trying to savor all of the time that Hayden is little.  I know I will enjoy other stages of his life too, but I'm just trying to soak in these stages now. Well...that's all for now!  I have to get home and enjoy my little boy who is CRAWLING!!!!

Hello...

Hello my name is Theresa, and I'm addicted to sugar.  I think that it is the true downfall in my dieting life.  Weight Watchers has been going well, but I still get side tracked now and again by wonderful sugar.  I know I should just avoid it...but when they bring cake right in front of my face...it's so hard to resist!
On a separate note...not related to sugar...but still some what related to dieting.  Some of my friends from work(and our work "live healthy Iowa" team) said, "Hey let's do some sort of activity thing this summer together."  Well one of the gals found a belly dancing class we are going to take!  I know what you're thinking, and NO we won't be baring our midriffs or anything.  It will just be a great work out!  Obviously I'm not a thin lady that is at all willing to be showing even a touch belly skin, but I am willing to have a fun time working my long lost ab muscles with friends!  Even if the dancing doesn't work the abs...the laughter will! 
Well I was looking up news articles for my student and Harold Camping has changed his mind...the rapture will now happen on October 21st. Only five months off, oops.  Well Mr. Camping to you I say, "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." Matthew 24:36 Maybe he skipped that section when he was reading the Bible. Who knows.  I think I'll just keep living my life and when it happens I will know that Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and Savior and I have accepted him into my heart.  Until then, I'll keep doing my best to live my life, raise my child, and grow with God's help!  I think I am making pretty good progress, especailly when I look back at where I was with my relationship with God even five years ago.  So today i'll keep praying that God helps me grow each day.  I'm never going to be perfect, but with the help of the Lord I will keep moving forward.
So this morning I've talked about God, dieting and belly dancing.  How's that for a full blog!~